after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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