You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
