shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
