70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
