It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
