I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
