I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
