he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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