but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
