Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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