we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
