I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
