There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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