The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
