I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
only you would photoshop your dick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
