What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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