You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
