I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
