You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
