ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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