bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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