the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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