Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I intend to get homeless drunk
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
