I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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