In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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