If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
