dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
