Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
