I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
