Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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