Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
