I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
