Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
