Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
