It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he thought i was a dude.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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