i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
