If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I lost the right to judge tonight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
