Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
