so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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