I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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