Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
