Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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