both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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