I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
