Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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