i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
