So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
