After last night, I could never be a politician.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
