It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
