I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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