I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
