I didn't shave. On purpose
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
